I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
