Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
