It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
