I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize