I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
