Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
