I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh god it's open bar.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
