I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
