Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
