First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
