and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
