So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i will never coherently bang her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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