You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
