1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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