I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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