Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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