I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
