lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
