that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
