plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize