I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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