i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
