I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
