If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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