dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
