"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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