dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
