Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
