I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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