We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
