If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
