You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
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Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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