Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I bet he comes in French.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
