i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
