Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
