I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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