please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
