come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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