I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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