So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
