its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
