This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
