Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And my parents said I crawled through the house
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
