Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
