He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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