I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
