im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
time to smoke my breakfast
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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