Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if only i could text you this smell
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
