Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
