You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
