The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
