i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
