When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
