I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
