Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
