Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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