He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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