We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
