Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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