i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
