He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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