i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
