I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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