CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
