Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
