when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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