Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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