I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
