that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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