My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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