Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
