this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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