I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
