I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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